Unlimited love

          

A father holds his daughter’s hand for a short while, but he holds her heart forever.

Having someone who supports and encourages you is something that is very valuable. You never know how long they will be by your side. People can come and go as they please and that is life. It is also called destiny because we will never know in our story, with whom we will cross paths.

 Today I want to reminisce someone who is very precious in my life. He always cheers me up, supports me, and loves me in his own way. He taught me the meaning of life even though at the end of the day it took me a while to understand the meaning of what he was trying to explain to me.

I have to admit the way he showed me was not a common way but over time I finally figured that he was the one who gave me a lot of influence for being open-minded and didn't make assumptions or judgments about things just because it was the first time I saw it.

I got a lot of life experience from him. When I was young, I even often questioned myself, the reason why he did that, why he behaved the way he did and what made him decide things. Not that I didn't want to ask him, but I knew he never liked to do that. He prefers to show it with his actions and I use my brain to think. Sometimes it took me years to understand the meaning of his actions.

He is a listener, a quiet person, a person who is straight forward, frank, calm, and firm. I have to admit that he was the first person who taught me never to be afraid if you don't make mistakes. He also taught me how to roast someone and when is the right time to do it. I learned from him to treat others the way I want to be treated. He also taught me how to respect others if I want to be respected by others. And he is also the one who taught me that not everyone will like us even if we try our best or we are sincere to them.

Since the first he always taught me to try everything, new thing and learn to accept all the consequences and risks of everything I decide. Never once did I hear from him that he forced me to do something I didn't want to do. I guess until today he is the only one who knows my personality the best and how to deal with me.

And what I admire about him is that every time I fall or make a mistake, he never once walked away from me or left me alone. Yes, he will keep reminding me of my mistakes again and again but at my lowest point or when I need someone even though I never show anyone, surprisingly he is the only one who knows how to make me distract my mind, encouraging me to get back, stand up again, not give up on the situation and calms me down so I can find a way out of my shitty situation, of course like always with his way.

The only regret I have is that if I had known that that day, that night was the last day I could see and talk to him, I would never have left his side. To this day, his last words always make me realize that he is the only one who in the end knows everything I feel even though I never express it. God always has a plan for my story that I never knew in my life.

When everyone accuses, belittle and humiliate me he never once stopped defending me or left me. Whatever it is, he always believes that I am not that stupid in making decisions and one thing that makes me salute about him is that he always respects my decisions even though at that time I was very young. He gave me complete freedom to do what I wanted for myself and my story.

I don't have many memories of my childhood due to deep trauma which may have caused me to forget a lot of things because my brain formed self-defenses to protect me. But I can still vaguely remember that there are some sweet memories with him that I can never forget. And when he was no longer with me, all those memories helped me to get up and not give up on the situation. All the good memories with him are what strengthen me when I am sad and suffering.

 If I could turn back time, if I could hope today I wish I could meet him one more time. I want to wish him a happy birthday. I want to thank him for always making me his favorite, never giving up on my madness, always supporting me in every situation, never leaving me alone especially in my lowest times. When I make things difficult for you, you never accuse me or blame me because you know I have to learn about life.

Today is your day, thank you for teaching me many things, thank you for always loving me with the same love even until death separates us. Thank you for never doubting me, never avoiding me when everyone did that to me. Thank you for all our beautiful times at the beach, I am also very grateful when I was at my lowest point, you are still by my side helping me heal my trauma even though you never mention all that but you clearly know that at that time my life was really fucked up.

I will never be able to stop thanking you for all the love, affection that you once gave me. Thank you for always being my guardian, protector and my knight in shining armor. I'm sorry if in the past I often hurt you with my actions, couldn't fulfill all your demands or disappointed you. I'm sorry that I can't be the best for you. Do you know? I really regret that.

I may be different from others, I have my own way to reminisce you. But in my heart, I always pray for you. I never stop thinking about you and never stop being grateful that God gave me a father like you. If I were to be born again, I would remain the same, wanting to be your favorite daughter again. Thank you for everything, Pa... Thank you for wanting to cross paths with me and be in my story.

 

I always miss and love you, Pa …

 

P.S: Thank you for letting me use your work, S. I'm grateful that we crossed paths.